Dear Dr. Dugout,

I have a question for you. It is kind of about softball. I am a coach on a team with really nice guys. I enjoy them and they (we) seem to enjoy each other. My question is, Why don't some people call me back, even though their message says, "Please leave your name and number and I will get right back with you." ???  I don't really get that. I am not sure if I should take it personal? It does get frustrating.  Can you help me out? Thank you.  Just wondering, here in the Rocky Mountains.

Dear Just Wondering in the Rocky Mountains,

Thank you for your fine question,

The most common answer is quite simple:.....The reason they do not call you back, is because they do not want to call you back. While that may sound harsh. It is the truth. However, it does not mean they do not like you. It just means they do not like calling you back, or even answering the phone from time to time.  I think it is more a habituated behavior, than a personal thing. I doubt you are the only person whose calls to them, are not returned/answered. 

If it really bothers you , then you have some choices. 

You could tell them it bothers you. That would be the most direct way to deal with it. You don't have to say it mean or mad. Just say it.  I believe that we either tell people how we feel, or we treat them how we feel. I think using your words is a fine thing. Remember, use thinking words..not fighting words.

Another choice, would be to not call them any more. This is a bit tricky, as it sounds like a mad thing to do. A getcha-gotcha sort of thing, and I don't recommend that.  If not calling them, helps you feel good and not be bugged at them, then not calling them can be a healthy option. However, if not calling them, is done out of revenge...then I recommend against it. It is your decision to make.

The third choice I would like to offer, is that you take a deep breath, put a smile on your face and give them some good natured crap about it. You know, something like suggesting they change their voice message to:  "Hi, this is .............., thanks for calling, I have Caller I. D...so no sense in leaving your name or number, I'll know who called. And..there's a good chance I won't be getting back with you. Nothing personal, maybe I will answer next time, maybe not. It just isn't a priority or a good time right now. Thanks for understanding and goodbye". Use your humor if you can. That way you are taking care of your feelings as well as your friendships with the guys on your team. This is the foundation of good team chemistry. Your team-mates are bright, they will know what is going on.   Perhaps these guys are younger, busy grasshoppers caught up in life?  Who knows? These are some thoughts. Hopefully they are of help. Thank you so much for your question. I am not sure what I would do, were I ever in your situation. But I have a feeling you will get it figured out. Sincerely, Dr. Dugout