Dear Dr. Dugout...I have a problem and am wondering if you can help me. The problem is this. I have a poodle who is my constant companion. He rides with  me in my work truck, he sleeps with my wife Julie and me. He and I go for long walks. The problem is this: I am afraid to take him to my softball games because I am worried that my teammates will tease me. It is becoming a bigger problem. I was invited to a poker game last week by one of my teammates, I said I would go, and I wanted to go, but when it came time to leave...one look into my poodle's sad eyes, and I just could not quit brushing his beautiful hair and leave. I also found myself not answering my teammate's phone calls. I am starting to think about quitting softball...or just playing co-ed, because of these feelings. What do I do, Dr. Dugout?

Dear Shawn,  Clinically speaking, it is clear that you are dealing with your oversized, inner-poodle. Your challenge is to not let your inner-poodle be the boss of you. You must face your poodle demons and learn to be the boss of your inner-poodle.  It is a fairly well kept therapeutic-secret that this inner-poodle hangup, was behind the white guy afro-hairdo craze that started in tyhe mid-70's.  Many folks assumed it was an off-shoot of  Disco-Dancing. Well, it wasn't Disco..it was Poodles. The afro was actually a cutting edge form of clinical intervention, where-in middle-aged male poodle owners, would begin their transition from poodle-enmeshment/obsession.  The theory was that by getting an afro hairdo..the obsessive/compulsive poodle owners, could begin taking puppy-steps (so to speak) leaving their poodle at home, while they took short walks, like to the mailbox and back, or out to their poodle-mobile..and just get in the truck, not start it..just sit there for as long as your anxiety allows. The key is to not make eye contact with those hypnotic poodle eyes..No poodle-peekee.  All the while, the afro hairdo, is serving as a surrogate poodle. You can reach up and touch your poodle-do, fluff it, play with it, talk to it...you get the idea. It is a bit like the E-Cigarette..it is not really a cigarette, and the afro is not really a poodle. But you can have it with you all the time, and it is still marginally socially acceptable to wear a white guy afro. Instead of having a poodle on your mind, you have an afro on your head. I suggest you give this a try. It will not be easy. Change takes courage. Let me know how it works and we can go from there. Eventually we will be able to suggest that you to grow up and leave the yapping, bug-eyed little furball home., but we realize you are not ready for that yet....and that is okay.  You are a good person. Sincerely, Dr. Dugout